Tag: peace

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Sweet Dreams

It’s crazy to think about how many people die with their dreams. So many people leave this earth without sharing their gifts. So many people depart without telling a single soul their hearts’ ambitions and desires. One of my biggest fears is that that’s how I will end up – dying together with my many dreams.

People die at all ages, but it’s often especially devastating when a young person passes away. You often hear things like: “He had so much life ahead of him; he barely got a chance to live.” or “She had so much potential and so many plans.”  In actuality, these statements could be made about “older” people who pass away as well. A lot of people die with their potential and take all the “plans” they wanted to accomplish on Earth with them, partly because of fear and also because many of us spend the time we do have here barely living, as if we have all the time in the world to start or as if we are already dead.

I’ve realized that if we’re not careful, our sweet dreams can easily become our beautiful nightmares. When the dreams that we spend hours upon hours fantasizing about start to seem as though they will only ever be just dreams and fantasies, those dreams can slowly start to become torturous. The reality of this beautiful nightmare is why I have to constantly remind myself to protect my mindset and strive to combat fear with faith and action. I know that I need to allow my aspirations to be sources of motivation and encouragement; however, I frequently find myself becoming deterred and discouraged when I think about my many dreams and how impossible they sound. But I have to believe that my dreams and passions have been laid on my heart for a reason, no matter how unrealistic or unattainable they may seem. And I can’t just believe, I have to also do. “For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also (James 2:26).” I have to persistently take steps towards my dreams, no matter how small those steps may be. And when I don’t see results right away, I have to muster up the faith and strength to persevere.

What’s impossible for someone else can be possible for me. The amazing fairy-tales in my head can in time become my amazing reality.

Then the Lord answered me and said:

“Write the vision
And make it plain on tablets,
That he may run who reads it.
For the vision is yet for an appointed time;
But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.
Though it tarries, wait for it;
Because it will surely come,
It will not tarry.”

                                                                                – Habakkuk 2:2-3

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I’m Getting Ready

I’m getting ready to shed the skin that has been encasing a fearful soul.

I’m getting ready to awaken the dormant spirit that has left me numb and dull.

I’m getting ready to accept imperfection and drown every debilitating fear.

I’m getting ready to allow for every therapeutic tear.

I’m getting ready to breathe for the very first time.

I’m getting ready to experience what happens when faith and action combine.

I’m getting ready to uncover what has been kept hidden.

I’m getting ready to invest in every gift I have been given.

I’m getting ready to evict the lies that have made homes in my head.

I’m getting ready to be shocked by all that lies ahead.

I’m getting ready to reap the fruit of life that hangs from sacred trees.

I’m getting ready to make the most of each moment and embrace more opportunities.

I’m getting ready to strengthen and use my voice.

I’m getting ready to love, because there is no other choice.

I’m getting ready to live – live bold and free.

I’m getting ready to live authentically me.

I’m getting ready to strive and find ways to soar.

I’m getting ready to carry out what I’ve been created for.

 

However, as it is written: 
“No eye has seen, 
no ear has heard, 
no mind has conceived 
what God has prepared for those who love him”—

                                                                               – 1 Corinthians 2:9

 

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True Colors

God made no mistake when He made me. I am unique. There is only one me and there will only ever be one me. God gave me unique talents, gifts, abilities, looks, characteristics, and strengths to be used for His glory; and I am determined to carry out His purpose for my life. That someone else is succeeding doesn’t mean that I am failing. I can’t compare my life to that of someone else’s. We are all called to do different things at different times, according to God’s time table and planning. I can no longer allow someone to make me feel that I am something that I am not. I can no longer allow someone to make me feel lesser than I am. I can no longer allow someone to make me feel like I’m too shy, too quiet, not talented enough or not good enough to accomplish a dream. I cannot allow anyone (but God) to dictate my life for me. I cannot allow someone to make me believe that my dreams are unrealistic, impossible, or not meant for me.

Though other people may not know all that I have to offer, and though I may not even know all that I have to offer, all that truly matters is  what God knows. God knows my true colors and the potential masterpieces that can be created with them. God knows what he has placed on my heart; and I cannot and will not allow someone to strip that away for me. God will surely use me to do amazing works, In Jesus Name, Amen!

                          I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
                                                        your works are wonderful,
                                                               I know that full well.

                                                                       -Psalm 139:14

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It’s Alright

Is it alright to feel like you’re living in a shell of yourself?

Is it okay to feel like your place in the world is becoming more and more insignificant?

It’s like my self-esteem is completely shattered. And even though I continually try to search for the pieces and put them back together, it seems as though there will always be parts missing and fragile cracks will forever be present.

Maybe the issue is that my self-esteem was never really “whole.” It’s very hard to pretend like you’re okay on the outside, when on the inside you feel like you’re suffocating. However, confusingly enough, sometimes it’s easier just to fake it.  I can’t remember a time when I ever felt truly “alright.” Since childhood, I have let traumatic past experiences break my self-esteem to the point where it negatively impacts my present and seeps into my future. But I know that I can’t continue to let my past have such a negative hold on my life. I have to learn how to love myself, even with the missing pieces and visible cracks. I have to figure out how to truly be “alright.”

                                                       “Forget the former things;
                                                        do not dwell on the past.
                                                                   See, I am doing a new thing!
                                       Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
                                             I am making a way in the wilderness
                                                     and streams in the wasteland.

                                                                     – Isaiah 43:18-19

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Fill Me Up

God, thank you for your wisdom; thank you for your Spirit. Lord, help me to live a life that is pleasing to you. Let me be a true representation of a child of The Most High, Our Father, My Father. I want to live and walk in wisdom, along paths you have created and have desired that I venture on. Let my words, my thoughts, my actions, and my dreams be aligned and pleasing to You. Help me to be cautious and not foolish. Help me to understand You more and more, and understand Your will for my life.

Fill me up Lord, until I overflow; I want to run over. Fill me with Your Spirit and remove anything and everything in me that will get in the way of that. I want to know You more. I want to feel You more. Help me to be strong enough in You that I’m able to fearlessly make the most of every opportunity to spread Your word, message, grace, love, forgiveness, favor, acceptance, and so much more to anyone and everyone I encounter. This world and this flesh is filled with so much evil; help me to combat that in whichever way You desire me to. I want to be a source of light in the darkness. I want to be a light that leads others to The Light that shines brighter than all – The Eternal Light.

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love.

                                                                                – Ephesians 3:16-17

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Read All About It

Trying to live is exhausting sometimes…to be honest, a lot of times. And I hate that I have to “try” to live, but that’s exactly what it feels like I’m doing. Living doesn’t feel natural or effortless. It feels like I have to exert so much energy just “to live” that I end up feeling like I’m dying. I’m really not living at all; I’m just existing. Day after day goes by and I feel like each day has been wasted. I wonder what was the point of waking up that morning and existing in a world that I don’t even really feel a part of.

On a regular basis, questions race through my head like: “What did I do today that had any meaning?” “What steps did I make today towards living out my purpose?” “Do I even know what my purpose is?” “Do I even have a purpose?” And my spirit is further disturbed with crazy thoughts like: “God has to be disappointed with me.” “God can’t keep forgiving me.” “I don’t deserve God’s love.” And I said “crazy” thoughts, because I know deep down inside God doesn’t view me in the negative way I view myself. I know that God loves me even when I find it hard to love myself. I know that as long as I repent, God will continually forgive. I know that I have a purpose. I know that my life has meaning. I know all these things because it’s all written in His word, and His word is the truth. I just have to allow myself to wholeheartedly accept it all – His word, His love, His forgiveness, His purpose for my life.

I’ve come to the point where I’m simply just tired. I’m tired spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally. I’m tired of just merely existing; I want to live and live freely and authentically. And I know that there’s a lot of “stuff” I have to deal with in order to achieve that authentic freedom.

Since I was a child, I’ve always been known to be quiet and would never really talk; but, when I was little, I discovered that I could have a voice through writing. As I share my thoughts, feelings, and experiences on this blog for anyone and everyone to read all about it, I hope that I begin to find and strengthen my voice and myself. For pretty much as long as I can remember, I have let my past and just the different circumstances of life silence me and keep me from truly living. I’m praying that this blog will serve as a source of healing and breakthrough not only for me but for anyone else who may come across it.

   The word of the Lord came to me, saying,

   “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
    before you were born I set you apart;
    I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”

     – Jeremiah 1:4-5