personal blog
Show yourself compassion.
Accept your flaws and all.
Shower yourself with praises.
Highlight your gifts and strengths.
Allow yourself to make mistakes.
Make room for grace and love.
Speak truth over the lies you tell yourself.
Speak life into your life.
Be your own supporter, encourager, and friend.
You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.
– Song of Solomon 4:7
Life is not promised.
Time does not pause.
Stop waiting for the perfect time to start.
Stop expecting that things will suddenly change.
Be active in your life.
Be present in your situation.
Make moves on your own behalf.
Have faith and do the necessary work.
Fear can no longer have the upper hand.
Fear can no longer be an excuse.
Fear will always be around.
So, acknowledge your fears, prepare yourself for battle, and move on to do what you’ve been placed here to do anyway.
Live with purpose.
Chase after your dreams.
Make moves towards your goals.
Even just a little step forward is one step closer to where you are meant to be.
He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you,
if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain,
‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move.
Nothing will be impossible for you.”
–Matthew 17:20-21
Feel…
Feel the light breeze of air that greets you, as you awaken to each unpromised morning. Bask in the light that forces you to squint and embrace the warmth of the smile that inherently follows.
Feel the magnitude of your breath, as your chest rises and falls.
Grasp the reality of your existence.
Let in the opportunity of being alive.
Feel joy.
Feel peace.
Feel love.
Feel anger.
Feel sadness.
Feel disappointment.
Feel good.
Feel bad.
Feel something.
Feel…
I pray that God, the source of hope,
will fill you completely with joy and peace
because you trust in him.
Then you will overflow with confident hope
through the power of the Holy Spirit.
– Romans 15:13
I’m grateful for the things that You have done.
I’m grateful for the breath within my lungs.
I’m grateful that that day was not my last.
I’m grateful that You have healed my past.
I’m grateful, I can finally feel.
I’m grateful that my smile is now real.
I’m grateful for the gift of life.
I’m grateful to be in the Light.
I’m grateful for the victories we’ve won.
I’m grateful that there’s more to come.
I’m grateful for the grace You continue to give.
I’m grateful that I can finally live.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.
– Psalm 100:4-5
It’s crazy to think about how many people die with their dreams. So many people leave this earth without sharing their gifts. So many people depart without telling a single soul their hearts’ ambitions and desires. One of my biggest fears is that that’s how I will end up – dying together with my many dreams.
People die at all ages, but it’s often especially devastating when a young person passes away. You often hear things like: “He had so much life ahead of him; he barely got a chance to live.” or “She had so much potential and so many plans.” In actuality, these statements could be made about “older” people who pass away as well. A lot of people die with their potential and take all the “plans” they wanted to accomplish on Earth with them, partly because of fear and also because many of us spend the time we do have here barely living, as if we have all the time in the world to start or as if we are already dead.
I’ve realized that if we’re not careful, our sweet dreams can easily become our beautiful nightmares. When the dreams that we spend hours upon hours fantasizing about start to seem as though they will only ever be just dreams and fantasies, those dreams can slowly start to become torturous. The reality of this beautiful nightmare is why I have to constantly remind myself to protect my mindset and strive to combat fear with faith and action. I know that I need to allow my aspirations to be sources of motivation and encouragement; however, I frequently find myself becoming deterred and discouraged when I think about my many dreams and how impossible they sound. But I have to believe that my dreams and passions have been laid on my heart for a reason, no matter how unrealistic or unattainable they may seem. And I can’t just believe, I have to also do. “For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also (James 2:26).” I have to persistently take steps towards my dreams, no matter how small those steps may be. And when I don’t see results right away, I have to muster up the faith and strength to persevere.
What’s impossible for someone else can be possible for me. The amazing fairy-tales in my head can in time become my amazing reality.
Then the Lord answered me and said:
“Write the vision
And make it plain on tablets,
That he may run who reads it.
For the vision is yet for an appointed time;
But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.
Though it tarries, wait for it;
Because it will surely come,
It will not tarry.”
– Habakkuk 2:2-3
I’m getting ready to shed the skin that has been encasing a fearful soul.
I’m getting ready to awaken the dormant spirit that has left me numb and dull.
I’m getting ready to accept imperfection and drown every debilitating fear.
I’m getting ready to allow for every therapeutic tear.
I’m getting ready to breathe for the very first time.
I’m getting ready to experience what happens when faith and action combine.
I’m getting ready to uncover what has been kept hidden.
I’m getting ready to invest in every gift I have been given.
I’m getting ready to evict the lies that have made homes in my head.
I’m getting ready to be shocked by all that lies ahead.
I’m getting ready to reap the fruit of life that hangs from sacred trees.
I’m getting ready to make the most of each moment and embrace more opportunities.
I’m getting ready to strengthen and use my voice.
I’m getting ready to love, because there is no other choice.
I’m getting ready to live – live bold and free.
I’m getting ready to live authentically me.
I’m getting ready to strive and find ways to soar.
I’m getting ready to carry out what I’ve been created for.
However, as it is written:
“No eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love him”—
– 1 Corinthians 2:9
For my birthday last week, I treated myself to my first ever solo trip! I went to Playa del Carmen, Mexico and spent about five days on a resort there. I ended up meeting a lot of nice people and got to do some fun activities for the first time like parasailing, jet-skiing, and zumba on the beach. I would wake up each morning feeling so blessed to be in such a beautiful, relaxing, and peaceful environment. I thoroughly enjoyed being on my own, doing whatever I wanted to do whenever I wanted to do it. Nevertheless, throughout the trip, I was struck with a few realizations.
I realized that as I’ve gotten older, I may have gotten a little too accustomed to being alone. Don’t get me wrong, I think alone time is wonderful and necessary; however, I think that I’ve spent so much of my life isolating myself and basically living in my own world, that I’ve become too comfortable with solitude – to the point where it is and has been detrimental to my well-being.
Life is not meant to be lived alone. We’re not meant to experience the joys and sorrows of life by ourselves. We’re meant to interact with each other and be there for one another. We’re meant to celebrate with each other in times of triumph and lift each other up in times of tragedy. We’re meant to exchange ideas and opinions with one another and learn from each other. We’re meant to embrace the unconditional love God has for us and extend that to anyone and everyone we can. All this being said, and believing every word of it, I still find it difficult to allow myself to open up to others and let people in. I let the fear of people knowing my feelings, thoughts, dreams and aspirations drive me into an existence of lonesomeness and isolation. But I’ve realized that I can’t continue to let that fear keep me from making connections and building and strengthening relationships. What’s the worse that can happen? Being vulnerable will not kill me.
Another realization I had while on my trip was that I need to appreciate and celebrate my birthday more. As a child, I used to get really excited for each of my birthdays. I think that excitement stemmed from my dad’s enthusiasm when it came to birthdays, holidays, and celebrations in general. But I think as I got older and as life began to change and evolve (for instance, my dad traveling and living in Nigeria for periods of time and then later passing), the approaching of each birthday became less and less of a big deal to me. But birthdays are a big deal and they should be celebrated. The fact that you are being blessed with another year of life is something to rejoice about!
Birthdays are not just an indicator of getting older; they are a symbol of the possibility of continued growth, hopes, dreams, and aspirations. Not everyone makes it to their next birthday; and if you do, you should hold on to the hope that no matter how good or bad the previous year of your life was, this next one has the potential to be better. Birthdays are a time to reflect on God’s love and God’s love specifically for you. How amazing is it that He found it necessary to keep you? What incredible plans does He have for you? What wonderful goal does He want you to accomplish? Who’s life does He want you to touch? Who’s life does He want you to save?
You were born for a reason and you are still alive for a reason! Hold on to hope and hold on to faith, even if the rest of you has died!
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of first fruits of all he created.
– James 1:17-18
God made no mistake when He made me. I am unique. There is only one me and there will only ever be one me. God gave me unique talents, gifts, abilities, looks, characteristics, and strengths to be used for His glory; and I am determined to carry out His purpose for my life. That someone else is succeeding doesn’t mean that I am failing. I can’t compare my life to that of someone else’s. We are all called to do different things at different times, according to God’s time table and planning. I can no longer allow someone to make me feel that I am something that I am not. I can no longer allow someone to make me feel lesser than I am. I can no longer allow someone to make me feel like I’m too shy, too quiet, not talented enough or not good enough to accomplish a dream. I cannot allow anyone (but God) to dictate my life for me. I cannot allow someone to make me believe that my dreams are unrealistic, impossible, or not meant for me.
Though other people may not know all that I have to offer, and though I may not even know all that I have to offer, all that truly matters is what God knows. God knows my true colors and the potential masterpieces that can be created with them. God knows what he has placed on my heart; and I cannot and will not allow someone to strip that away for me. God will surely use me to do amazing works, In Jesus Name, Amen!
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
-Psalm 139:14
Is it alright to feel like you’re living in a shell of yourself?
Is it okay to feel like your place in the world is becoming more and more insignificant?
It’s like my self-esteem is completely shattered. And even though I continually try to search for the pieces and put them back together, it seems as though there will always be parts missing and fragile cracks will forever be present.
Maybe the issue is that my self-esteem was never really “whole.” It’s very hard to pretend like you’re okay on the outside, when on the inside you feel like you’re suffocating. However, confusingly enough, sometimes it’s easier just to fake it. I can’t remember a time when I ever felt truly “alright.” Since childhood, I have let traumatic past experiences break my self-esteem to the point where it negatively impacts my present and seeps into my future. But I know that I can’t continue to let my past have such a negative hold on my life. I have to learn how to love myself, even with the missing pieces and visible cracks. I have to figure out how to truly be “alright.”
“Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.
– Isaiah 43:18-19
Trying to live is exhausting sometimes…to be honest, a lot of times. And I hate that I have to “try” to live, but that’s exactly what it feels like I’m doing. Living doesn’t feel natural or effortless. It feels like I have to exert so much energy just “to live” that I end up feeling like I’m dying. I’m really not living at all; I’m just existing. Day after day goes by and I feel like each day has been wasted. I wonder what was the point of waking up that morning and existing in a world that I don’t even really feel a part of.
On a regular basis, questions race through my head like: “What did I do today that had any meaning?” “What steps did I make today towards living out my purpose?” “Do I even know what my purpose is?” “Do I even have a purpose?” And my spirit is further disturbed with crazy thoughts like: “God has to be disappointed with me.” “God can’t keep forgiving me.” “I don’t deserve God’s love.” And I said “crazy” thoughts, because I know deep down inside God doesn’t view me in the negative way I view myself. I know that God loves me even when I find it hard to love myself. I know that as long as I repent, God will continually forgive. I know that I have a purpose. I know that my life has meaning. I know all these things because it’s all written in His word, and His word is the truth. I just have to allow myself to wholeheartedly accept it all – His word, His love, His forgiveness, His purpose for my life.
I’ve come to the point where I’m simply just tired. I’m tired spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally. I’m tired of just merely existing; I want to live and live freely and authentically. And I know that there’s a lot of “stuff” I have to deal with in order to achieve that authentic freedom.
Since I was a child, I’ve always been known to be quiet and would never really talk; but, when I was little, I discovered that I could have a voice through writing. As I share my thoughts, feelings, and experiences on this blog for anyone and everyone to read all about it, I hope that I begin to find and strengthen my voice and myself. For pretty much as long as I can remember, I have let my past and just the different circumstances of life silence me and keep me from truly living. I’m praying that this blog will serve as a source of healing and breakthrough not only for me but for anyone else who may come across it.
The word of the Lord came to me, saying,
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
before you were born I set you apart;
I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”
– Jeremiah 1:4-5